Still standing...

Remember how I was saying I hadn't worked all month. Then I got to sub Monday. Well, the only day I didn't work this week was Wednesday. I was trying to get some business taken care of, and I couldn't do that by spending a day at school, so I requested it off. Of course, because I wanted to take care of things, I met every road block possible. Such is life. I spent the last two days with a lovely group of kindergartners. It dawned on me today that I've spent the majority of my subbing time with older kids. Because my own children are older, I kinda forgot how exhausting being with little people can be. But, God, they were fun!

Now, I'm sipping tea and relaxing before I attack my new work in progress. I'm working on getting in deeper with my characters. Who knew how hard that could be? Writing if nothing else, is a learning experience. And I'm so glad to know I'm not the only person on the journey. I write because it is my sanity. My escape from the real world where things are absolutely out of my control. In my worlds, I'm the one in charge. But even though my characters are purely fictional entities, I can't make myself force them into ugly situations just because I want to exert myself over them. I can't hep respecting that they are people who have passions, dreams and secret, private pain.

This is not to say that I don't put my characters in tough spots. I'm the same woman who said I like to take them to hell before I let them catch a glimpse of heaven, after all. But I don't torture them just because I can. Recent feedback on my work has made me examine myself. I realized that part of the reason I wasn't allowing myself to go deeper with my characters is that I rarely let people see my depth. Why? Because most people are content to deal with the surface. They don't care about what makes me tick. So when I thought I was writing for an escape, I was so wrong. I can't escape myself. Love me or leave me, I am who I am. The people who are in my life in a real way understand this quirk of mine, and they let me show them the dark side. And for some crazy reason, they love me anyway!

They've earned that place by sticking with me and being brave enough to show me their true selves. I can't think of a better gift to offer someone than true, warts and all love. I am awed every day by the love and respect that my friends show me. My characters are seeking love, or at the very least a strong affinity, from anyone who will read my work. So that means they have to take the first step. I have to allow them to take the first step, and show their true selves. Wow! The funny thing is that as much as I maintain a private persona, my characters, the people who cohabitate in MY brain, have no qualms about being exposed. Man, I wish they had told me this from the beginning instead of making me slog through and discover it for myself. But like I tell my kids, they need to go through the learning process so the knowledge will be theirs. Touché.