Going batty...

Yesterday was my kids' last day of school until the new year. I was excited about them coming home and just spending time with them. After the flurry of baking, I was all too ready to settle down into abject laziness. That worked for a minute. I had tried to convince my dh to go to the grocery store for hours. He pretended not to hear me, then said if I'd let him off the hook for the rest of the night, that he would do all the necessary shopping tomorrow. I decided to do the shopping myself. I hate to go to the store, but I'm a fussy, demanding cook, so it seemed the wise course of action. Before I left, I asked him if he wanted me to throw the ham in the oven. He said he didn't want ham--he wanted to go out to eat. He offered the right bait--B&E's--normally, I wouldn't have resisted, but in light of the holidays, I stood firm. Yea me! But then I forgot about the ham.

Fast forward to the store. It was dead! I couldn't believe my luck--all the apples were on sale, along with most of my veggie favorites. I wanted parsnips, but they looked like they'd been hit by the truck rather than delivered by it, so they got a pass. I strolled the aisles with my cart, bopping to my mp-3's as opposed to the canned Christmas music that's piped through the stores during this season. There's just something comforting in dancing to Eminem while navigating grocery lane. At any rate, having gotten everything for the coming meal, I wandered to the freezer case for the puff pastry--a must have for Beef Wellingtons. They had none! Bliss turned to devastation! I scanned the end caps and looked in all the places it shouldn't have been to make sure the grocery gods weren't playing a trick on me. But alas, 'twas no joke. I took a brief moment to indulge in panic, then let it go and headed to the registers.

I called DH from my cell and got the death beep from my phone. When he picked up using his "silly voice" I told him my phone was dying and I needed info--quick! After watching Alton Brown's treatise on fruitcake, all my fond memories of the delectable delight from days in England sprang to mind. I NEEDED fruitcake. Good thing the cart was loaded with a selection of all my favorite dried fruits. But I digress. I asked him how much brandy we had in the house. He told me there was about an inch left in the bottle. Immediately, I started dreading a trip to yet another store. Did I mention I hate shopping? Anyway, I figured since it was inevitable, he could put the ham in and I could come home to it being half done. I got as far as, "put the ham in," before the connection cut. My phone had given up the ghost. Instead of going after the booze, I drove home to see what if anything they'd done in my absence.

My children spent the entire hour I was gone sorting the recycling bin and cleaning the garage. They were still at it when I pulled into the drive, so I unloaded all the groceries. DH was planted in his favorite chair playing video games while I made trip after trip to my car. Are you beginning to see how this story's about to turn? "What are you doing?" I asked on my third trip out.
"Playing my game," he replied. He looked up for a brief moment as I continued out the door. "Wow, looks like you bought a lot of groceries."

I said nothing and let my blood work itself into a frothy boil. One key detail I left out was that I was HUNGRY at this point. I hadn't eaten since morning, so my stomach was turning itself inside out. Add hunger to my already "interesting" personality and you get a volatile mix. I washed my hands and took out my butcher knife. I decided making a veggie tray would make me feel better, so I did. Along with dip and dressing. Then I noticed the air was devoid of the sweet/spicy aroma of ham. The oven wasn't on. And it was empty. Something told me that DH hadn't bothered to do a damn thing since our phone conversation.

I stomped back to the living room and told him he would have to come help in the kitchen. He looked over the edge of his laptop and told me he couldn't because he was in the middle of the game. I kept my mouth shut and returned to the kitchen and my ham. I got it in the oven, laid out my newly created veggie tray and sat the cream puffs out for pre-dinner enjoyment. Meanwhile, my kids searched the game closet for Uno. I declared family game night to celebrate us being together. They used their time to destroy the work I'd done a month ago. The last thread of my patience frayed and snapped. The house fell under martial law, and even DH plucked himself from the recliner to avoid my wrath.

After my explosion and a meal, we regaled the children with stories from their infancy. We laughed and then played the PlayStation version of The Weakest Link. It was a great night and I look forward to many more while the little people are at home.