Okay, you all gave me great advice on the toxic person I was dealing with so at the very least, I owe you an update. Do I still think she's a bit of a wasteland? Sadly, yes. However, my group and I decided to give it another go. As hard as all of us try to be, not one of us could let her fall into an abyss--at least not without offering a hand up and out. We invited her to a study group because it was more than apparent that she felt insecure with the material we learned in class. Included in the study was an informal dinner. Nothing washes down stress like a good meal. Plus, if you're mouth's full, you can't say anything hurtful. See, we're smarter than we look.
Anyway, we all made it our duty to make her feel welcome and let her know that the rest of her experience was her choice. Before this lovely dinner, we surrounded her with positivity at lunch. Literally. Each of us discussed our own failings and personality quirks so no one felt singled out, and we worked on quality fixes for those little idiosyncrasies. Honestly, I wasn't looking for a solution to my hot-temperedness or snarkiness. I like those parts of me just fine, and until they stop serving me, I'll wear them like a cheap fur coat. The "take-away" from our lunch and dinner was the power of positivity.
Cross my heart, I'm not a happiness guru. I believe we create our realities. And in the face of fierce positive energy, this woman could not be negative. She was cooperative and didn't try to bulldoze us with stories of superiority. We all put away our ill feelings too, which was again, powerful! All of this happened because each of us made a choice. That is a power each of us possesses. To choose to succeed or fail, to choose to love or hate, to choose to make the world a better place, or to be a rabid consumer, sucking away at the good things that are waiting a simple choice beyond our grasp.
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3 comments:
Don't you wonder sometimes if the people who are so negative just weren't surrounded by positivity during their formative years?
Then again, sometimes you meet people who have been through all kinds of crap and adversity, and they are the most positive people ever.
Glad you guys had a positive experience with her that day, though. :)
Good for you! Positivity really does beget positivity. Like it's hard to scowl when the person you're with is smiling and happy. I can feel your positive energy over all the way in Spokane. :)
You guys are so cool!!! Julie, I do wonder what happened in her life that she's turned a bit bitter. From what she didn't say, I gathered it was serious and devastating. I pray I never have to go through whatever it is that turned her world upside down.
At the same time, I can't help but think that devastating and serious are relative (with exception to some that I feel are universal-- like death of a loved one). Would someone who had to live my life for the past 3 months find my world unbearable? It's been hard, but I'm not dead yet. I refuse to be crushed. I'd love to believe it's because I'm strong, that that's why I have weathered the storms with a big, fat, lipsticked smile. Really, I don't think so. I'm sure that there's something out there that could break me. For now, I will revel in blissful ignorance and pray that calamity and I never cross paths.
Ellen, I must be sending energy in broadband! It is hard to scowl in the face of a smile. Especially, if/when you're smiling at yourself in the mirror. When the last thing in the world you feel like doing is pasting on a big, fat, hairy grin.
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